Hello, creature from another world. Welcome to planet Earth. You are now a guest of the US government. When interacting with the inhabitants of Earth, or humans, you should abide by the following basic etiquette.
Handshake, good. Death ray, bad. No vaporizing.
Modern Earth culture also frowns on the following:
Probing, …, abduction, communism.
If you or someone you know is responsible for building the pyramids, we’d like to know about it.
If you’ve been to the Bermuda Triangle and brought someone home with you, please return them immediately.
And, finally, if you’re a resident alien, please report to the immigration desk on level 316.
We hope this has been an informative look at our planet, and urge you not to seek war against us.
Enjoy your stay here at Area 51.
Brain scan processing.
Stupid. Simple. Dimwit. Average.
Smart. Genius. Genius. Genius.
Attention, aliens. Please report immediately to the cafeteria.
And remember, levitating in the passageways is strictly prohibited.
